Don't Take It Personally

How to grow a thick skin in the face of rejection

Being told you’re not what someone is looking for doesn’t get easier.

Be it for a job or on a dating app, being rejected is a direct response from someone to tell you they’re not interested in you or what you have to offer.

It sounds harsh I know, sorry for the dose of brutal honesty.

But learning how to handle it has allowed me to stop taking things so personally and realise that a setback can actually be the making of you.

I left my first ever job as a waitress when I was 16.

I hadn’t been paid for a month, and found an opening at a local shop that paid double what I was on.

Turns out, I wasn’t on their books, which explained why they were so frazzled when I asked if my wage of £4.50 an hour could be put straight into my bank account rather than handed to me in cash every Sunday….

Long story short, when I handed in my notice, it didn’t go well. I was told I was a disappointment and that they expected me to not last.

That stayed with me, because I knew how awful the job was and how miserable it made me, but I also felt so out of my depth.

To be told I wasn’t good enough or expected to fail made me feel I couldn’t do anything.

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The reality is, rejection helps you grow. Because if you were given everything you wanted all the time, you’d never have anything to push yourself for.

And after 5 months of rejections from jobs to pitches as a freelancer and jobseeker, I’ve learnt more than anything how much rejection pushes you.

Some days it took its toll, I’ll admit.

Days when I felt like I’ve got nothing left to give or that I might just be shit at what I’m trained to do were hard to snap out of.

But eventually, every setback just served as a reminder that I hadn’t found the right fit yet.

Finding the right fit in any situation is difficult, especially when it comes to dating.

Haven’t had a text back? They’re viewing your story but not liking your photos?

Talk to your parents and I bet they won’t get why you’re so frustrated. Or, if they’re like mine, they’ll tell you to just pick up the phone and ask what’s going on.

It sends us into a spin, making us wonder what it is about us that isn’t right or likeable.

It’s another form of indirect rejection that we’ve still not learnt how to handle.

But putting your feelings on the table is easier said than done. The key is to be as honest as you can and realise that someone not liking you or not clicking with you isn’t down to you not being good enough, it just means you’re not the right fit for them.

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“See rejection as redirection” is the best advice I’ve been given.

Didn’t get the job? Didn’t get a text back? Don’t stress it.

And if it does stress you, then chase it.

But at the end of the day, the cliché idea that what’s meant for you won’t pass you by stands true.

Because if it’s meant to come and turn your world upside down for the better, then it will.

If it doesn’t, then something else will instead.