The Dating Diaries of 2023
The good, the bad, and the downright embarassing
Welcome to In Order to Bloom, a space where we’re unpacking the trials, tribulations and wins of being a twenty-something trying to adult. Be sure to comment and share if you love reading, it really helps a lot.
If you’re an avid TikTok scroller like myself, you’ll know that the end of the year brings the ever-entertaining ‘My Dating Life Wrapped’ videos. A tell-all insight into what people’s love lives have looked like over 12 months. So I thought I’d write about mine.
Exes, past flings and anyone I’ve kissed this year; I suggest you look away now.
I’d like to preface this by saying nobody I am mentioning in this post will be given a real name or description that can easily identify them. However, my nearest and dearest know who these people are, because everything that ever happens to me ends up in the group chat. That’s the price these men who wanted to sit in a bar with me had to pay.
This viral trend came to us through TikTok, with PowerPoint slides and even templates on Canva now available for people to download so they can make one for themselves.
You may be wondering why on earth people do this, but I believe that unless they’re your friends, you never really know the true intricacies of someone’s dating life. Being let into the bubble of someone’s romantic experiences through pie charts, bar graphs and statistics - taking away the human elements of the dating world - can be fascinating.
Since this is a written format, expect a lot of lists and summaries to not make this thing 10,000 words long. I know as much as you love my rambling that long posts lose people’s attention so I’m trying to be as succinct as possible here.
Let’s unpack the numbers
(This is between April and December of 2023 FYI)
How many first dates I went on: 7
How many first dates I was asked on that never happened: 8
How many first dates I cancelled: 4
How many second dates: 2
How many third dates: 2
How many ghosted me: 1
How many breakups: 1
Where I met my dates (that actually happened):
Hinge - 4
Bumble - 1
IRL - 2
How many got blocked: 2
Let me start by saying that I have officially given up using dating apps in 2024. If a profile of mine pops up, assume it’s old and I will not be engaging with it.
Granted for some, it works. And I genuinely LOVE to see when it does, because that glimmer of hope falls back into my lap and I think, “Maybe the guy I’m meant to be with IS waiting for me on Hinge!”
Then, as we see above, I’m brutally brought back down to earth when I spend time, effort and energy mentally preparing myself to get to know someone new who ends up saying one of the three following things;
*(translations given underneath)
“I just don’t have the time to date right now, I’m really busy”
(I don’t want to date you seriously and am seeing other people)
“I’m having fun with you, but not open to a relationship right now.”
(I don’t see you as someone I could make my girlfriend but I enjoy your company and having sex with you)
“I just don’t know what I want right now.”
(I don’t want a relationship with you but will keep popping up when I feel like it)
A friend of mine recently enlightened me with this brilliant quote about what it feels like to date right now:
“Compared to everything else in my life, like my friendships, my job and looking after myself, there’s nothing else I put so much effort and energy into and get so little in return. It feels like such a waste of my time.”
When your single friends tell you that the streets are rough out there, please believe them. Don’t tell them about a great new app your friend from work found, don’t reel off the classic “It’ll happen when you least expect it” monologue, and for the love of god do not under any circumstances tell them “you know, I wish I was single too.” No, you don’t. Please shut up.
I get it, truly I do. You want to see your friends happy and with someone equally brilliant and gorgeous, but also maybe look at their independent, fuss-free single as something to envy on occasion. But if you sit across the table basking in your happy, loving relationship and tell us you wish you were single like us, when we’ve just divulged how miserable the thought of never finding someone to gently love us is, you will do nothing but enrage us.
My dating diaries in 2023 were somewhat of a whirlwind, much like the rest of my life. I broke up with someone I loved, I was back on the apps and dating after nearly a year of being off of them and my initiation back to the trenches made for many a story that everyone but me enjoyed at the time.
There was vape boy, who within 5 minutes of sitting down was puffing on his lost mary inside a very nice cocktail bar and palmed me off with 3/4 of the bill. There was wine boy, who booked a wine bar despite hating wine and didn’t drink anything who then ghosted after pushing for a second date. Finally, there was bus stop boy, who did nothing but talk about his ex for 2 hours and then tried to lipse me without warning.
There was a string of others, too, (whose nicknames will remain in the group chat) who all showed the same, if not similar, patterns of behaviour. They pursued me incessantly, made it their mission to ask how my day was, and tell me I looked great in my DMs only to fall at the first hurdle by failing to a) make the time to see me and b) make the effort to lock down a place and time to meet. At that point, I either told them our ideas of dating were too different to bother pursuing anything or let go of the idea that they were someone to take seriously.
It’s a little brutal to the untrained eye, but after years of dating, flings and relationships that didn’t quite make it to the finish line, my peace is too precious to give up. I won’t put up with behaviour that 22-year-old me would do anymore. I may still make mistakes, or hang on to the ‘what if’ of someone a bit too long, but I know when to walk away now.
This, of course, doesn’t stop me from forming many a crush and being delusional about how one day we might be strolling around Broadway Market on Sundays together being sickeningly couple-y together. *sigh*
Let’s see if 2024 can bring me the tall, smart, handsome, ambitious, family-orientated, creative, well-read man I’ve been envisioning into my life.
Until then, ‘tis the season of investing in yourself and embracing being single for exactly what it is; time to be selfish and unapologetically all about you that you may never get back.
Thank you for reading In Order to Bloom this week. I hope it offers you some escape and peace of mind today.
I’d love to know what else you’d like to hear my thoughts on, or any topics you’d like me to unpack - be it dating, friendships or something in the news - so please get in touch with any suggestions by leaving a comment for me!
Another fun read Ria! So glad to see you persisting with your love for writing - you have a gift for telling a story :)