Brain dump: Summertime sadness
Why the summer months aren't all rosy and joyous for me
Welcome to In Order to Bloom, a space where we’re unpacking the trials, tribulations and wins of being a twenty-something trying to adult. Be sure to comment and share if you love reading, it really helps a lot.
When the dizzying peak of summertime arrives, your calendar is fit to burst and the night sky doesn’t roll in until gone 10pm, there’s nothing to be sad about - right?
I’m no scientist, but I’ve concluded that the times you’re told are meant to be the best can end up feeling like the worst. It’s as if the order of service saying “Have fun and be free!” makes your brain think “Let’s try the opposite!”.
Summer has been the pinnacle of freedom and good times since we were young. School holidays, trips away, and a forced break from the grind of daily life are the things we count down to. We gear up for months, waiting for al fresco drinks, frolics in unexplored locations and that sweet vitamin D (behave) to cure us of our winter depression.
But for me, this time of year can sometimes do the opposite of making me excited. I often feel like I’m not doing enough, not making the most of this time, and end up feeling ✨overwhelmed✨.
Maybe it’s because this time of year is also associated with anxieties around getting half-naked in public again. There’s only so long you can wear trousers and jeans until your skin is physically uncomfortable from the sweat and heat of your morning commute, right? Just me?
For those who haven’t ever felt a sense of impending doom for what tabloids and trash mags have christened ‘bikini body season’, I am wholeheartedly so jealous of you. Memories of getting teary-eyed in clothing shop changing rooms, as I squeezed my growing body into pair after pair of denim shorts, defeated at every hurdle and willing my legs to shrink so I could look like the girls who had the ‘perfect’ body still make me squirm.
I know, you’ve heard it before. The tropes of being a woman and the pressure we feel to mould our bodies into society’s decided ideal of slim, trim and curvy all at once have been well documented. I’m not here to add anything groundbreaking or different to that discourse, fear not. But lately, I have been forced to consider whether this seasonal depressive feeling I experience is coming from a sense of the season not meeting expectations or actually just an unresolved feeling of still not being worthy of it.
Whilst I wrote giddily about the joy of Hot Girl Summer, I am secretly a sad girl at heart. You only have to look at my most played on Spotify to know I’m in my feelings 99% of the time, leaning into them and letting SZA take the lead on my mood for the day. So when it’s 30 degrees and I’m having an existential crisis in the mirror trying to find something I feel both physically and mentally comfortable leaving the house in, I do admittedly wish for winter. There, I said it.
So, dear reader, if you too are experiencing in the words of our lord and saviour Lana Del Rey, Summertime Sadness, you’re not alone. The world’s on fire, things are more expensive than ever before, and landlords are turning people out left right and centre. Pair that with some poor body image and a handful of bad first dates, this time of year doesn’t feel so fun. It’s rough out here at the best of times let alone when the world is telling you to be elated 24/7 just because the sun is shining. So lean into those feelings, know that they’ll pass, and don’t feel pressured to only live your best life between May-August.
Here’s to I’m-just-trying-to-have-a-nice-time summer x
What I’m loving this week
For the past two weeks, I’ve been ignoring being an adult whilst I spent time with my family in Jersey. I took a break from writing *gestures in the air* this and focused my efforts on meeting deadlines and actually, you know, earning some money.
I’ve been loving a couple of things, nothing groundbreaking, so here they are in no particular order:
*Note: some of these are affiliate links so if you make a purchase using them I earn a small commission xo
Getting two new bylines in GLAMOUR
What’s a newsletter without a little self-indulgent plug, huh? My very first bylines with GLAMOUR were published this week. It’s made me very excited to share more of my work and given me a little confidence boost in knowing I can indeed still write like a journalist.
The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo
I’m halfway through this book and didn’t see any of the plot twists coming. I love this book and have heard nothing but good things, so I’m excited and sad all in one to be powering through it so quickly.
Isle of Paradise Tanning Water
This self-tan has been a holy grail for some time, but in the name of saving pennies, I temporarily switched to something cheaper. Now I’ve used it again, I won’t be going back to anything else. 10s across the board.
I’m a dad shoe lover, ok, I can’t help it. I’ve gotten more wear out of my black birks the past two months than ever before and I won’t stop anytime soon. Jeans? Skirts? Shorts? All look cute as with a pair of birks. If I can inspire a 16-year-old to wear them and call them cool, I can do anything.
Thank you for reading In Order to Bloom this week. I hope it’s offering some escape and peace of mind for you today.
I’d love to know what else you’d like to hear my thoughts on, or any topics you’d like me to unpack - be it dating, friendships or something in the news - so please get in touch with any suggestions by leaving a comment for me!
