How to navigate your quarter life crisis
Why we're all obsessed with achieving everything by the the time we turn 30
Welcome to In Order to Bloom, a space where every Sunday we’ll unpack the trials, tribulations and wins of being a twenty-something trying to adult. Be sure to comment and share if you love reading, it really helps a lot.
Recently my friends and I sat around the dinner table talking about everything our 18-year-old selves thought we’d have by now.
Resembling a coven, eating pasta layered high with cheese and black pepper, we talked about those high-flying twenty-somethings on Instagram who seem to live the life and compared our current situations to theirs.
We dissected how they must spend their money, how what they make from one post could pay our rent for 3 months, and how they’re living a life we can only hope comes our way later in life.
We then began unpacking the long list of possible opportunities that our late twenties would bring, which varied from becoming a footballer’s wife to running away to the other side of the world. It was in this conversation that I realised none of us have a fucking clue what to expect right now, let alone what this stage in life should look like.
When I was 18, I had pictured 25-year-old me with a white picket fence house, the latest 4-wheel-drive car, a deliciously obnoxious fat diamond ring and a high-flying career emulating that of Anna Wintour to match my unattainable lifestyle. I wanted every ounce of “look how wealthy and successful I am” energy bestowed upon me.
We all laughed at how naive we were as teenagers to think that we’d achieve such things with ease when we’d spent our late teens and early twenties killing our brain cells with substances, boys and bad decisions. Comparing stories of how turbulent our twenties have been thus far, from late nights in people’s kitchens to hookups we’d rather forget, we all concluded that it was a miracle we’d made it to the point of preparing to turn 30.
The internet has undoubtedly made everyone - whether they’re aware or not - live in a quiet, crippling panic that they’re not making the most of their young years. Because it’s not enough to, I don’t know, enjoy your youth and bask in the knowledge that you’ll never be this free of responsibility again. No no, you must choose a path, and perfect every aspect of your carefully curated image.
Do you want to be the party girl who becomes a yoga mum? Do you want to be the career girl who runs away to Bali? Or maybe you fancy being the never been kissed to engaged within 3 months girl? Or, what about the buys a house with her childhood sweetheart and becomes a pyramid scheme girl?
There are of course more paths available on the market. But these are the top contenders of twenty-something women who inhabit my online space - something I intend to curate and change in the near future.
Granted, my actual friend circle, the one that doesn’t exist through a phone screen, are all quite similar - we’re career girlies who like a wine on the weekend and a hot girl walk on a Sunday with the occasional mental breakdown/existential crisis thrown in for good measure. But no matter how assured we are in ourselves, we are always left asking each other the same question'; “Is this really meant to be the best time of our lives?”.
In truth, nobody has it figured out. We lost two years of our prime to lockdown, but we still managed to maintain friendships, relationships and a moral compass through it. We came back to work, we went out again, we danced and ate and drank together again. So, we’re allowed to take a second and reconsider what it is we want our future to look like - and it doesn’t have to match our past expectations to be deemed successful.
So my Sunday message to you is this, dear reader - don’t let the hustle and #girlboss culture make you believe you’re falling behind the rest of the pack if you haven’t figured out what you want to do yet. You’ve got plenty of time, babe. Relax.
Top Five Podcasts to get you out of a funk
Last week you all wanted to know what my top 5 podcast recommendations were. I must stress that I listen to podcasts as a means to escape, get out of my head and put my anxious whirring to rest, so don’t expect anything of high intellect here.
I like to put one on to pass the time whilst I walk either in Victoria Park or on the treadmill, or when I’m organising my room, cooking dinner or just popping to the shops. It gets me out of my head and forces me to switch off and mindlessly relax my mind, which I love.
I just think this small collection of shows are really well-made, funny, thought-provoking podcasts that everyone should have ready to listen to in their downloads.
In no particular order, here are my top recommendations:
The Girls Bathroom - Sophia and Cinzia are the two best mates you know you’d have a great night out with. From boy drama to friendship dilemmas, the episodes unpack the listener’s issues and without your knowing offer some real sage advice.
Off Menu - this is just a brilliant, funny, foodie-focused podcast that I love listening to when I need a laugh or to zone out. The boys bring on some fabulous guests, a particular favourite of mine being Rylan Clark, and the laughter in every episode is just infectious.
Ctrl Alt Delete (RIP) - I am still an avid listener of this podcast, even if it is the replays. I recently tuned into the episode with Meg Mason and it gave me such inspiration that I’m trying to listen to an episode a week. Emma has just launched a brand new podcast through her own substack, too, so definitely check that out.
Dish - If like me you miss Nick Grimshaw on the radio, you can get your fix here. Just as hilarious with brilliant guests, all about unpacking their careers and their favourite foods, this is a great quick half-hour listen for when you’re looking for some wholesome distraction.
Modern Love - this may be my favourite of them all. Modern Love by the New York Times, which has also been made into an Amazon Prime series which I highly recommend, is just beautiful. Mini short-form essays sent in by readers about their real love stories make up the episodes, and I unashamedly have cried at many of them. Really beautiful work.
Thank you for reading In Order to Bloom this week. I hope it’s offering some escape and peace of mind for you this Sunday.
I’d love to know what else you’d like to hear my thoughts on, or any topics you’d like me to unpack - be it dating, friendships or something in the news - so please get in touch with any suggestions by leaving a comment for me!
