Modern Romance: Hinge, internet stalking & archive graveyards
Modern Romance: Hinge, internet stalking & archive graveyards
An insight into what it's like dating in London
Welcome to In Order to Bloom, a space where every Sunday we’ll unpack the trials, tribulations and wins of being a twenty-something trying to adult. Be sure to comment and share if you love reading, it really helps a lot.
Last week I was interviewed for a job by a guy I’d matched with on Hinge. No, I’m not kidding. Yes, I wish I was.
In my usual pre-interview ritual, I was scouring the internet for any tidbits about the company (which I obviously won’t be disclosing the name of), looking for social media channels, glassdoor reviews and anything else that could be a potential red flag. I think of it as the corporate version of the internet stalk you do before a date to check if they’re real/not a serial killer.
The final stage of this ritual sees me turning to LinkedIn. Sleuthing through the company’s ‘people’ page, I eventually found the CEO. I browsed his employment history, read a couple of his posts and realised I recognised him. Curiosity took me to his Instagram, and within 20 seconds I realised I’d stalked this profile before. In fact, I’d followed it before. The gasp fell out my mouth in a cartoon-like fashion as I realised he was in fact a guy I’d matched with, chatted to and been ghosted by last year.
Much to the group chat’s delight, I breezed through the interview regardless. Whether he recognised me or not I’ll never know, because the poker faces stayed intact throughout. But the interaction left me feeling almost vulnerable at the realisation that my world had become this small. Is this what dating in a digital age has come to?
Modern love has boiled down to fleeting interactions with attractive strangers on dating apps for many of us. The collective experience for single people looking for love, from my understanding, goes like this. Until we manage to get past the talking phase and cross the exclusive label finish line, we’re left with digital graveyards made up of unanswered WhatsApp messages in our archive folder and ghostly Instagram followers who still view our stories.
Whilst my Hinge profile is greatly amusing and a source of intrigue and excitement for my supportive, taken friends - “God they’ve changed a lot since I was on them” is usually what they say when I let them flick through my prospects - the reality is that meeting the old-fashioned way simply isn’t happening for me.
I am not approachable, I’ve been told. I have a steely cold resting bitch face that translates the same way as if I had a sign saying “FUCK OFF” on my forehead. Put me in a bar and rather than play the field, I’ll sit back and let the cards fall as they may. But the issue is, they rarely if ever do. Because I can’t flirt, I’m too nervous to make a move and once you give me 4 tequila shots all I care about is asking the DJ to play it’s getting hot in here by Nelly so I can give everyone in the room the ick by knowing every single word to it, rap and all.
The dating world is bleak, friends. The Sunday scaries are tenfold when you’re also waiting on a stranger to reply to a message inviting them for a drink sometime, let me tell you. It’s time-consuming, expensive and offers a very low reward rate. Yet, it’s the only form of gambling I’ve ever taken part in. The only risk I’ve taken again and again, expecting a different outcome every time.
Nonetheless, I soldier on. With the apps and the plucking up the courage to give a stranger my phone number, whatever it may be. Because I know that true love and deep connection are rare, and shouldn’t be missed out on in this life, no matter how you find them. Modern romance may be frightening, but in the end, we all deserve to find someone we want to spend our Sunday mornings eating toast and listening to the radio with.
Three books you need to read this summer
I’m back again with some recommendations. This time, some unmissable reads to add to your bookshelf for the summer.
My favourite type of books to read are novels where you immerse yourself into someone’s world, feeling like a fly on the wall of their intimate life story. I want romance, above all else, with some wild plot twists that take me completely by surprise and a tear-jerking ending that makes me angry sad and happy all at once.
This time, I’m not going to go into detail as to why I love them, but instead, leave a brief descriptor of the plot and let you decide if it’s a great read or not.
Sorrow & Bliss by Meg Mason
Martha is a beautiful, talented and dearly loved woman. In fact, her husband Patrick has loved her since the day they met. So why is her life falling apart? Approaching 40 and forced to move back in with her dysfunctional parents, she has one last chance to find out whether life is ever too broken to fix.
It Ends with Us by Colleen Hoover
Lily and Ryle meet by chance on a rooftop one night. In true rom-com fashion, their lives begin to intertwine, but their relationship isn’t as glistening as it may seem. With old flames and past trauma creeping back into Lily’s life in ways she didn’t expect, we follow her on the journey towards finally breaking the cycle.
Ordinary People by Diana Evans
Two ordinary couples living in London centre this intimate study of love, compromise and domestic discontent. Ordinary People tackles themes of sex, grief, friendship and ageing, allowing us to watch on as the elements of modern love see two partnerships threaten to unravel.
Thank you for reading In Order to Bloom this week. I hope it’s offering some escape and peace of mind for you this Sunday.
I’d love to know what else you’d like to hear my thoughts on, or any topics you’d like me to unpack - be it dating, friendships or something in the news - so please get in touch with any suggestions by leaving a comment for me!
